"It is what it is." One of the most common misconceptions I have come across in coaching and consulting, and frankly in my life, is that the situation or experience is set in stone. That there are fateful forces in our genes, biology and environments that make what happens inevitable, to a large extent.
This can show up in lots of ways – status quo thinking or resistance to change, burn out, “settling,” complacency, and drained confidence to name a few – but the core issue is the same. That when things aren’t going our way, we tend to throw up our hands and to blame. Whether we blame ourselves or someone else, the result is no improvement, no change. And of course, we don't get what we want or think we want, and we feel unhappy, "stuck," disengaged.
But as any psychologist or coach worth their weight in counsel will confess if you really press them, you are very likely a big part of the problem. Because unless you're truly under lock, ball, and chain, the way you interpret, interact with, and “move about” your life will shape it - it will shape what you experience, of course, but also what the world gives back to you. You have much more power than you likely suspect.
I’m not saying I don’t sympathize with your problems. I am deeply compassionate for the injustices committed to you, as well as the injustices you commit to yourself, every day. I think this is a much more sympathetic stance, in fact, than colluding with you to suffer and falter, on top of your pain.
You can't change the fact that life to some extent happens to and around you, but your continuous involvement in this unfolding is a GOOD thing. A thing of tremendous potential. Because when you see yourself and see that you are making choices, the earth shifts a bit, and new possibilities open within your reach.
Life happens but it's also happening. What would it mean for you, to have more say?